Why Can’t You Be (feat. Kimya Dawson) - Third Eye Blind
I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of.
“
| — | Charles Bukowski |
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
The Velocity of Saul At the Time of His Conversion - Okkervil River
how to disappear completely
i feel like i hurt too many people. i feel least sorry about you, k. but my babe, my lex… and poor n, who will love me and love me even when she knows i don’t feel the same. this is awful. i don’t simply want to disappear, i want to erase myself from their lives. i hate the idea of having caused anyone pain. especially lex. i feel most helpless there.
Sometimes I Forget Completely
Sometimes I forget completely
what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane, I spill sad
energy everywhere. My story
gets told in various ways: a romance,
a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.
Divide up my forgetfulness to any number,
it will go around.
These dark suggestions that I follow,
are they part of some plan?
Friends, be careful. Don’t come near me
out of curiosity, or sympathy.
—Rumi
it’s frightening to think that during first semester, i stayed up until 4 a.m. every night and woke up every morning at 8 for class. and it’s interesting to consider i wasn’t out anywhere, i was only at my computer writing words.
..tonight i feel like i’m in the past and it’s all too real.
i wish my hair was grown out again and i was having a rum and pepsi before a tegan and sara show.
or else maybe that i was at a house party sitting on a pretty redhead’s lap, talking about room renovations, or perhaps that i was on a back porch smoking a cigarillo and getting caught kissing through the back window.
i think sometimes the best way to cope with change is just to ignore it for a while and pretend you’re still in the past. well, i wouldn’t really call that coping, but it does get rid of the anxiety for a while.
